rocks hurling through space
we assume... or rather, I assume like rocks hurling through space that it's ok, were all in it together. We are all born into this life, we are all taught by our parents, our instincts and our sensory interaction with the real world. We all grow up and develop different personalities that pick things and take off things from our "environment" as we walk and talk through life. (We learn far more than we can even think we learn and can't come to grips with in our limited vision of the world). All of a sudden, we become an opinionated, core-personalitied, self-sufficient, physically and emotionally attractable human being. We are all composed of the same matter and constructed in a similiar fashion, yet our uniqueness remains vital and for that reason eventhough we are all the same, we are all different. while we are together we are all alone.

we are all rocks hurling through space. and i always think that "im with all the other rocks going in the same direction" but every once in a while im reminded of the cold fact that no... not at all, we are all going different places and everyone is unique and concerned with themselves. we are all on our own paths, which may cross with others (sometimes connect and partner with others) but the journey is still our own unique one. often i forget that, or rather find it hard to accept. i like the concept of share, in fact i feel unfulfilled when i cant share sometimes. although some experiences are also great alone (music, movies, books).

but ofcourse im not such a cold pessimist. i do believe some rocks, if not all, are destined to attatch to eachother and form a planet (create life?) that all space dust will amount to something and will find a home. it doesnt just dissapear (i really want someone to find that when things go through a blackhole they come out somewhere else, mario style)

but even though i believe all these things. its that once in a while reminder that things are not what they seem, reality is not what your mind makes you expect. creating false expectations. And when that gap is discovered, that you thought you found a companion but now its strayed off and become something completely different. Or when you subconsciously compose a role for someone to play and reality they do not play to that part, instead of accepting them as is for who they are. that can also be very discouraging. but when it happens, its a very confusing shock to the system. oh wait but i was so sure that, that was my destiny, that was who i was going to partner up with/thats how my life was going to be and now all of a sudden its not there and i am left with nothing but emptiness? but rejection and distance?

but hey as prashanth says, god isn't a dick. he's not going to have a jigsaw puzzle with one piece missing, each piece shall have its place. but of course he is god (if he is god at all) and the puzzle is a 4 d puzzle, in dimensions of space and time. things may not fit now but they might fit later and things might have fit before but fall out of fitting all together. who knows.

BUT there is hope for things are not all predetermined. We are flexible, bendy and able to be kind and compassionate when we are compelled to. certain people bring out the good in us, the good which we didnt even know existed. thats the kind of people worth being a part of.

this post is total stream of consciousness.